Maybe It Was All For Nothing
by KkarmaCchameleon
Summary: In the instant before he dies, James's life, cliche as it sounds, flashes before his eyes.


They say that when you die, your entire life flashes before your eyes.

James Potter was proud to say he'd never bought into that load of nonsense. It just didn't seem possible, and there were too many different ways to die for it to be reasonable. So he was content knowing that when he died—whether it was in ten seconds, twenty minutes, or forty years—it would just be the end. And as long as he enjoyed life along the way, there was no need to relive his life, because he would make sure to live every moment thoroughly.

And then the day came. October 31st, 1981.

In the split second between Voldemort casting the spell and the green light hitting his chest, he was proved wrong for the umpteenth time.

But it wasn't every moment of his life—probably a good thing—it was just the highlights, including events he'd forgotten.

He saw his family. He was three years old and he couldn't get the bow off a present. The harder he struggled with it, the more knotted it became. His parents were getting increasingly amused with his efforts, until finally the ribbon shot off and hit the opposite wall. That was the first time he'd really done anything magic. He was five and they were at a family reunion. Everyone was performing magic, and he was so jealous. They were all talking about the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts and Quidditch teams and he just couldn't wait to _really_ be a part of their world. He was eight years old and he was learning to fly for _real._ His dad was teaching him the basics of Quidditch and assuring him that he'd be brilliant at it.

He was eleven. His mum cried a lot that year, tears of happiness mostly. She cried when he got his Hogwarts letter, so proud. She cried when they took him to Diagon Alley; he'd been before, of course, but this was to shop for school supplies. She cried when he boarded the Hogwarts Express—her only son was leaving and she was suffering from just the slightest hint of empty nest syndrome.

He was twelve and made the Quidditch team, and his dad sent him the best broomstick there was. He was sixteen and thanking his parents endlessly for allowing Sirius to move in. He was eighteen and having to attend two funerals within a month. It was a shock, really... He'd always known they'd die, but it seemed so _soon,_ and to die of natural causes when their was a war raging was almost too much for him to handle. But the turnout at each funeral was incredible; his parents were _so_ loved, something that he never forgot.

He saw his friends. The first time he met Sirius on the Hogwarts Express, worried that he might be in Slytherin like the rest of his family. Cheering when they both got sorted into Gryffindor. Befriending two of the other new Gryffindors: Remus and Peter. Discovering Remus's secret, and promising that they wouldn't see him any differently. Becoming an Animagus with Peter and Sirius, successfully transforming into the stag for the first time. Skipping class and staying up late and hexing more people than he cared to admit.

There was that time in fourth year when they'd switched out the Slytherin Quidditch team's shampoo bottles with strong dye that required relatively strong magic to get rid of, so that the next morning, they were all sporting red and gold hair just in time for the match against Gryffindor. McGonagall had smiled—she actually bloody smiled!—as she gave the four of them detentions, saying she really wished she didn't have to. Later in the week, she'd found a few excuses to award Gryffindor extra points.

Sneaking out to Hogsmeade late at night whenever Moony had his furry little problem. The day they came up with the idea for the map. Parties after Gryffindor had a big win, or any win, really. And laughter. Lots and lots of laughter with the three best friends he'd ever had.

He saw Lily... Oh, Lily. The first day he met her, on the train to Hogwarts, when he was rude and she was best friends with Snape. Trying to get her attention. Asking her out whenever he got the chance. That day she'd had enough and punched him in the nose when they were fifteen, then felt bad about it and spent an hour apologizing. The day after that when she took back the apology and threatened to punch him again if he didn't back off. The look on her face when Snape called her a Mudblood, the tears she tried to hide later on.

When they finally got to be friends and she smiled at him more often. Every last smile was worth preserving. When she started to call him James as opposed to Potter. When she'd tell him off for doing...whatever it was that he did that annoyed her at any given moment...and then threaten him with detention, but never followed through with it. When she'd say something and he wouldn't have any idea what the hell she was talking about, then she'd realize it was a Muggle thing, and she'd get embarrassed and try to change the subject, but he'd make her explain it because he secretly loved listening to her talking about the Muggle world; she was so enthusiastic about some parts of it. (Well, he just loved listening to her in general.)

Their first kiss: in the middle of a sentence, she just cut him off by pressing her lips to his. It was effective, and she learned pretty fast that that was the best way to shut him up. All of the many, many kisses after that. By the lake, in the Common Room and dormitories, between classes, _in_ certain classes, when they were supposed to be patrolling the halls at night...every single kiss was wonderful.

The day he proposed. He'd been a nervous wreck, a thousand thoughts running through his head—what if she said no, or told him that it'd all been one joke and that she didn't even want to be with him in the first place? Silly thoughts, but worries nonetheless. And then when he did it, got down on one knee and asked her, "_Lily Evans, will you marry me?"_ and she tackled him with a hug, kissing all over his face. She must've said yes a hundred times. Really got her point across.

The wedding. It was small, just close friends and Lily's parents, since her sister refused to come. But Lily was so beautiful, and hearing the words _I do_ made his world so much bright. He'd married the girl of his dreams. And then when they had Harry.

Harry, Harry, Harry... He didn't have many memories of Harry. A little over a year's worth. But that kid had brought light in the darkness that had settled over them, reminded him that there was still hope, that the entire world wasn't ugly. There was still good out there, still innocence. Harry and Lily kept him fighting till the very end.

And when the light finally hit his chest, James smiled. He knew that it wasn't all for nothing. He knew he'd died fighting for something worth saving.

* * *

Title is from The End by Mayday Parade. I don't own them or their songs. (But I kind of wish I did.) Characters aren't mine, blah blah blah.


End file.
